This last week I attended the funeral of a member of my church community. He was it elderly and had lead a life dedicated to God and the congregations he served. He was also an inspiration to me as even in his early 80's and in ill health still continued to preach and follow his life calling to bring people to the Lord. In his final hours, he apparently advised his wife and family to "get on with Joyful Living" and not to stay transfixed by his parting. Not always and easy thing - for those who are grieving their loss - or for anyone for that matter.
Transfixed verb
past tense: transfixed; past participle: transfixed
- 1.cause (someone) to become motionless with horror, wonder, or astonishment."he was transfixed by the pain in her face"
We have all had the experience of being like the deer caught in the headlights and been transfixed and unable to move forward or even sideways with our lives. Whilst this is acceptable, an even desirable in the short term (enabling us to reflect, gather strength and plan for the future), if we stay motionless for too long it becomes more difficult to change. Just as our muscles become atrophied from lack of us so does our mental muscles. There is some truth to the old saying "It's hard to teach an old dog new tricks". It's challenging to learn something new generally because we have been doing what we do for so long that learning how to do it differently is difficult. Despite what this phrase says, you actually can teach an old dog new tricks. Wheather you're are "an old dog" or a "young dog" there is no time like the present to embrace change and revel in the transformation process.
Transformation
Transform Verb
- 1.make a marked change in the form, nature, or appearance of."lasers have transformed cardiac surgery"
synonyms: change, alter, modify, convert, metamorphose, transfigure, transmute,mutate; More
Changing complex human behavior is difficult. Unfortunately there is no magic fairy, or gene in a bottle, who can instantaneously grant the changes we desire. Change occurs as a process, not as a one off event. We can appreciate the process of change by thinking about natural processes that involve stages like a caterpillar transforming into a butterfly or winter shifting into spring.
Transformation, according to Mary Beth G. Moze in Surrender: An Alchemical Act in Personal Transformation is a ten phase experience which starts with a disorienting dilemma and then leads into progressive stages of engaging and evolving our habits of mind (Mezirow, 2000). She states in her research that the key in transformation is to examine our taken-for-granted and then either modify them or reconfirm them. The purpose of this reflective process is to improve personal and collective well-being largely through improved relationships with self and other. It is more than a change in perspective, which is only a lateral move. Transformation is a vertical move that integrates greater truths and allows us to live life from a new way of knowing rather than just seeing it from a different perspective.
Moze divides the transformative process into 10 steps (Mezirow, 2000, p. 22):
1. A disorienting dilemma
2. Self-examination with feelings of fear, anger, guilt, or shame
3. A critical assessment of or present assumptions
4. Recognition that one’s discontent and the process of transformation are shared by others
5. Exploration of options for new roles, relationships, and actions
6. Planning a course of action
7. Acquiring knowledge and skills for implementing one’s plans
8. Provisional trying of new roles
9. Building competence and self-confidence in new roles and relationships
10. A reintegration into one’s life on the basis of conditions dictated by one’s new
perspective
The first phase - a disorienting dilemma - initiates the process. This can occur by accident
or by design. Since we tend to resist the moment of change, it is generally a result of a traumatic event/experience rather than by choice. Transformation can be either momentous or incremental and pursued deliberately. Of significance – whether encountered by accident or design – is
that a disorienting dilemma is an invitation for growth, not a guarantee of growth.
Phases two and three represent the point at which we either enter further into the
transformative process or avoid it. This is when our ego’s fearful response to perceived
challenges can prevent transformation . Therefore, courage is an essential element to the transformation process. Courage, a character trait, helps us to surrender (an action), but it is the actual act of surrender that advances the transformational process.
I would add a further step to the above process. Between Stage 5 and 6, I feel a person will envision a future self engaged in the new roles and activities. The more real this image is the greater the likeihood of the acheiving that new self/life/role.
Are you on the cusp of change as a planned process or because of a crisis/traumatic event? Or are you restless with your current existence and seeking a life changing experience?
In a couple o f weeks we will be running a "Date wit h Your dreams" Masterclass to assist people explore and capture the future they are seeking. If you'll like to join us for a discussion or find out more please complete the e-mail details. If you know someone who might benefit from this post please share.
