7 Tips on Choosing your Best Sidekick

Last week, during a visit to my hair dresser, Sharon, shared the following story with me:  Sharon and her best friend had decided to go on an oversees trip to Singapore together.  They had planned the journey based on their interest in Asian culture and they got along well together . They decided they would share accommodation to cut down costs and for safety reasons.  Sharon confided that the trip was a disaster. She found that while they both enjoyed shopping, she found her friends idea of shopping meant trying on every dress in every shop they visited.  Sharon's idea of getting ready the night before to ensure and early start was foiled by her friends need to sleep in and  "last minute" preparations.  Sharon  said she regretted the trip and would have parted company with her companion except everything had been pre-booked and paid for.  She said it was the  worst holiday she had ever had and was the precursor to the demise of the friendship. Sharon is not sure that investing more time in the  planning stage would have made much difference as it was the little peculiarities that had made the most impact on the outcome.  

This little snippet of someones travel disaster resonated with me so much because of we use it as an analogy  for life - how often has our travel companion made the difference between a great journey or a disaster.  By this I mean, the life partner we have chosen, our peers at work, the school mates we surround ourselves with, the person we start a business with and/or the people we invite into our homes.  

My own example of choosing the wrong side kick culminated in divorce. After several years of trying to make it work, the birth of two children, and a change of job and address we realised we were not suited together.   We did not share the same values and had different priorities in life.  We also had lost respect for each other made each other miserable.  

   

7 Tips On SideKick Selection Criteria

Her are my seven best tips for choosing your best sidekick weather it be a business partner, life partner or a travel companion:

1. Try Before you Buy :
   
   My hairdresser might have know her travel companion for years but had she spent a week-end away before her trip she might have reconsidered her travel arrangements. So make sure you spend time together getting to know each other better before making a big commitment. .  In the case of a holiday, take a short trip before committing to oversees travel, if it's a business venture ensure you know the other persons assets including skills, focus, capacity to contribute, reputation etc. check Minda Zetlin's blog post   How-to-tell-if-you've-found-the-right-business-partner.  If it's a life partner, spend time with their family and friends and see how they respond.
    
2. A shared vision and goal:
   
   A vision provides clear ongoing direction—it is clear what you should do next. As you take each step, the next one becomes clear. A vision continues to act as a beacon, guiding you in setting new goals once current ones have been achieved.If both parties do not share the same vision then they will be working at cross purposes and become frustrated with each other. Being on the same page is very important. 
3. Mutual hard work:Many people find themselves working with partners who don’t share their enthusiasm or passion for the journey they have undertaken together. Partners who can’t follow p with their responsibilities or business parenters who can't meet deadlines  can bankrupt the partnership.  Equal division of labour and equal contribution to the endeavour by both parties ensures everyone feels valued, respected and appreciated
4. Open communication: Great communication means the capacity to put your own thoughts on hold and allow the other person to fully express themselves.  Remember the greater part of good communication is listening.  It also means having a clear process for resolving conflict and giving positive feedback. 
5. Mutual respect:Your partner’s wishes and feelings have value. Let  them know know you are making an effort to keep their ideas in mind. Mutual respect is essential in maintaining healthy relationships.
6. A balance of power:
   
   Power in a relationship can be compared to being on a seesaw with your partner. As you travel up, he or she travels downwards. Up and down you both go, constantly changing positions. Then one of you stops the game by trying to control the other. Perhaps you are left dangling in the air as your partner throws all his weight backwards and digs himself into the ground. Indeed, it often seems that in relationships, one partner has the upper hand. Yet the balance can shift suddenly and dramatically. In order to have a successful relationship with someone we need to balance or need to be in control, be dependant/independant with the other parties similar needs.
7. Someone who is Fun to Be With: If you really don't like the other person y
   ou are sharing the journey with there is not much hope for success regardless of the venture.    Whilst you might respect a person and get along O.K it certainly is not the best way to spend the majority of your time, especially if it is your "free time". 

When going on a life's journey choosing the best side kick is very important so take as much time on choosing your companion as you do on the itinerary. Have a wonderful trip.

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